It is 4am and here I sit with only the glow of the Mac screen to keep me company. I was awoken by the ever-present ping of my iPhone only to realize I have again fallen asleep on the sofa. The snow appears to have stopped but now the wind is whipping it around like a Texan dust storm. It has been snowing for almost 24 hours and appears to have dumped only a minimal amount given the predictions. I hate winter as anyone who knows me will tell you. But, I must confess I look at the newly fallen snow and how it hangs in the trees and bushes, and clings to my favorite lawn ornaments and I smile just a little because Mother Nature is so incredible. However, like a Harry Potter movie I want to wave and flick my wand and have it all disappear.
It is shocking how conditioned I am to reach for my iPhone and laptop the minute I wake. It use to be cigarettes in the 80’s, and coffee in the 90’s, I guess electronics are the new nicotine and caffeine. Ping, ping and the glow of the Mac, as if to say your crack pipe is ready. It was nice to see the two-hour update for iTunes had finished, I wonder what fascinating new updates have loaded for me.
Tick tock I can almost hear the clock. Being an on again off again insomniac I have learned to just go with the sleep pattern and find something to fill the time. Sheep counting and planning the following day really only get you more worked up. Now was that 10 sheep or 15 sheep, ok 1, 2, 3. Was I going to run to the bank or the grocery first, or go to the gym then the bank? Well shit now how was that schedule going to go?
So here I sit trying to breath because frankly the snow is pretty but it also creates some anxiety and the feeling of being trapped. Most likely I would not venture from the house today, but I want the option to do so, I like options. Tick tock, tick tock.
I cannot get this funny thought out of my head. Where do the Prom Kings and Queens go after high school? Really has anyone seen one outside of captivity? If you have what were they doing and what did they look like? I have always assumed everyone from high school made out so much better in this life than I did. But in reality and with the wisdom of forty-seven years and enough John Hughes movies I know this is just not true. But I cannot ever recall seeing the all-elusive prom crew post high school. I often wonder if the toothless woman at the grocery once held the scepter and adorned the crown and commanded her small court only to find herself in a dead end job with no healthcare to manage those teeth. Maybe she could take the old prom crowns and create a shiny, sparkling set of grills to adorn the holes where teeth use to live. Now there is a plan, see I can be creative in the early hours.
I also wonder what happened to he geeks? Are they all sitting in mansions in Silicone Valley with a new bimbo on each arm every week? How many of them are still sitting a garage waiting to find the one thing to overthrow Microsoft and rule the world. It could happen, that’s all I am saying.
Ping, ping, oh wait I have more junk mail that must be read now. What if someone accidently sent me a very important message and I failed to read it in less than 5 seconds. You can almost hear the count down of the missile, as the world is about to end because I failed and I did not get to the mail within the 5 seconds or less time allotment. 5,4,3,2,1, oh will my mind ever shut down? Crisis obverted I managed to make it to my phone in just under three seconds. Damn, I would have made a great gunslinger in the old west. My messages range greatly but my favorites are yet more offers to increase my penis size. Really if you could increase it to the size they promise there would be no need for pants, just a big sign with an arrow pointing down saying “hey look at me.” Then of course the never ending increase your breast size, really I think my man breasts are an ample size. I was slightly amused by a new one I received for the first time last week. The subject line read “Pick your Russian bride now”. Let me say this about that, I have been married for almost 25 years, gentlemen you will want to test drive that baby before buying. Never allow yourself to get trapped always have an escape route if you plan to mail order a bride. Just a fun fact but I know someone who actually did this, but that is another whole story. Ping, ping, my saved searches on ebay, if I have learned anything I have learned no shopping in the early am. That is how I managed to secure my 1964 Vintage Mini Cooper, imported from New Zealand to my house many years ago. Margie is her name, or as my wife refers to her "the big green paperweight." She has been sitting in the garage now for many years and needs some work.
So what about all the jocks? How did they weather the storm? They would all be middle aged now, what are they doing? "How are those new knees, Mr. Smith," which you had replaced from all the high school football? "You can walk better I see and not with such a tilt." "Hey don’t worry no one will hardly even notice the limp, good job, keep practicing." I have little too no sympathy for jocks; did you really think your body could take all that pounding? But, with that said some of my best friends are recovering jocks.
But really where are all the prom kings and queens, where have they all gone? Perhaps all will be reveled on this year’s final season of “Lost”. Just for the record I am still lost with “Lost”. Maybe they are the prom kings and queens, now there is a twist I could get on board with.
Also worthy of a quick note are all the people on facebook sending out their distress calls in the early morning hours. 1am first post, I cannot sleep is anyone out there, 1:15am they give themselves a thumbs up “I like this” as no one has responded. 2am, still here anyone else out there in facebook world, reality sets in they may very well be the only one left on the planet. They farm for a few hours and kill a few Don’s in Mob Wars and send out yet another distress call. Still here 4am, does anyone want to chat? How slow are you people, if you have not received a message back in 4 hours your probably not going too? Perhaps if you were a former prom queen you might. Chuckle, chuckle.
Thanks, I think I will go take a nap. Rambling sure wears a guy out.
First, you wake up WAY too early which makes me question your judgment about other things. Hmmm. But I like the way you write. So you're forgiven. :)
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